The Chronicles of the Insane and, Stupid
by Cookiesama
Summary: Well, this story is mainly a lot of Turk oneshots all put togeter. So each ct. is it's own story! There all really funny in their own way so don't juge the story from the 1st ct.! Read them all! Er, just a few... I really don't care, but if u like, n want


The Chronicles of the Clinical Insane and, Otherwise Totally Stupid…

Turk Oneshots.

**READ 1st!** Ok, this is just a series o baku 1-shots that I make up in my free time. (Which, if u haven't guessed, I have a lot of. O.o) So, don't take any of this personally if u really like these guys… N, of course, I don't own any of these characters, k? Well, anyway… Hope u like the stories!

Ct. #1

It was another boring day at the Turks. The wind was blowing outside, casting shadows across the long wispy stocks of the uncut grass in the backyard.

"Reno!" Rude called, scaring him out off his temporary laps in consciousness.

"What is it?" he asked, rather annoyed, having almost being knocked off the window lead where he so skillfully sate.

"Get off your lazy bum, an go cut the grass! It's starting to spread into the street, and the neighbors are complaining." Rude answered.

"Why can't you do it?" He spat, still annoyed.

"BECAUSE…" Rude said putting down the dish he was washing.

(Vain pop, expressionless.)

"I'm doing the dishes, THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO DO, 2 WEEKS AGO!" He yelled, causing Reno to, literally, jump up from his seat and run for the door. In a desperate attempt at freedom.

"AND, DON'T FORGET TO WATER THE PLANTS EATHER!" He called after him, turning back to the sink. A small smile play on his lips as he picked up his dish and started washing again.

Meanwhile, out in the yard… Reno, found the lawnmower. Only, the lawnmower looked like it was attacked by a crazed landscaper with a supped-up, tree tipper at his disposal. The poor thing was in pieces! It had a missing tire, no coverings, so all the wiring stuck out. Half off a handle to push it with, only 3 rusty blades, (that looked more like wooden toenails then anything else). And to top it all off, there was grass growing in and on it.

"Yuck! This thing smells like a dead cat!" Reno yelled, backing away, pushing his hand over his nose.

"Now what do I do?" he thought.

"Oh, hello there….PuDdNiNG!1!"

Reno looked up. It was Rufes, off all people!

"Oh, hello Rufes! When did they let you out off the hospital?" Reno asked, walking over to his mentally challenge friend.

"Well… actuallyyyyyyy…" Rufes whispered, "They didn't really let me out, yet…leMOOn!1!"

"WHAT?" Reno yelled in reply.

"Shhhh shhh!" Rufes yelled, eyes rolling back in his head, as he clapped his hands over his nose to stay silent. "You'll wake up my mother! I wanted to surprise her, it's her 9600th birthday, today….P-otTA-toOoo!111!1"

"Ohhh… I see," he muttered, (totally ignoring the fact that his friend kept screaming random foods,) "so they let you out on good behavior?" Reno whispered.

"No! What are you nuts! They'd never let me out of there! I sunk out for the day. I'll go back tonight…Ba-N-NAN-aNanas!1!1!" He replied, ears twitching nervously.

"Ok…?"

"So what you doing out here?…RusshEdesS!1!1!" Rufes asked, a little curious.

"Oh, Rude sent me out to mow the lawn, but my lawnmower's busted." He answered piteously.

"Lawnmower. Lawnmower. Oh!…ToRRTiLlA!1!1!1" he answered after a few minutes.

"I got a lawnmower. You can barrow… PoKkYIe!11!" he said cheerfully.

"Really! Wow you're a lifesaver Rufes! I didn't know what I was going to do!" Reno replied, fallowing him up the driveway.

"Really, it's no problem. Just bring it back when you're done. Here, can you open the garage for me?…PencIle-Sh-aRRpIndE-r11!11!" He asked.

"Sure!" Reno said, opening the door for his friend. "Do you need some help getting over the bump?"

"No. I can manage…CiNddY!11!" He answered.

Reno rolled his eyes at the remark…

For Rufes, is mentally disturbed and in a wheelchair. Ever since he went psycho a few years back, and tried to take over the baseball station, naked, and with a spoonful off pudding. The FPL, (Federal Pick Lock), comminuted him to the Men In White Insane Asylum for the rest of his life, or, until he put his pudding powers aside.

"So…" Reno asked, getting back to the topic at hand.

"Where's your lawnmower?"

"It's right over there….IC-CrEa-mmE!1!1" He screamed, pointing to a very large and dirty blue tarp.

Reno walked over and pulled the tarp off, to revile…

"What…? What is this, thing?" Reno asked in shock, staring at the massive, screaming metal death-trap that stood before him.

"It's my Super-Mower 2000! With 450 horses, custom wheels, and an automatic turbo-drive. This bad boy can cut up 4 football fields in under 6 seconds, flat!" Rufes exclaimed, his chest swelling with pride. Reno stepped back.

"This… thing? It's suppose to be a lawnmower?" he thought. "It look's more like a machines worst nightmare!"

"Well?" Rufes stated. "Want to take it for a spin?…BoO-bb!1!1"

Reno turned back to look at him, with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Are you sure it's safe…?" he asked.

"No!" he yelled, quite latterly. Spitting in Reno's face.

"Well…" Reno shrugged, whipping the spite off his face. "I don't really have any other choice. I guess…"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, Jel-lOW!11!111!1!1!1!111" Rufes screamed, spinning around in circles, like a mad man.

"Here are the keys! Oh, an have FUN! FrE-D!11!1!1" Rufes yelled, pushing him toads the death-trap.

"It's RENO!" he answered, really starting to get annoyed with his friends massive stupidly.

"NOOOOO…. It's Tues-Day!" he answered.

Reno rolled his eyes, as he claimed into the chair.

"Wow! How do you start this thing?" he asked, looking over the control panels. There were sooo many buttons, knobs, and togs. It looked like something out of a Sci-Fi movie!

"Oh! Just put the key in here." Rufes answered, digging in his pocket for the key. What he pulled out was what would appear to be, some sorta, remote with a computer jack coming out the back.

"What the hell is that, thing?" Reno asked, pointing down at the remote.

"Oh, this?" Rufes asked, pointing at his coat. "That's a button…ReDED!1!1!1"

Reno sighed again.

"No… That thing your holding in your hand!"

"Oh… This! This is the key! See you hook it up like this." He replied, sliding the computer jack into a little hole, on the control panel.

"Now, if you just press here…KoRRn!11!1!1!1"

The second his finger pressed the button, the SUPER-mower 2000 sprang into action. It rolled out in the driveway, and charged down the street, like a wild animal seat free. Reno screamed.

"RUFES! HOW DO YOU STOP THIS THING!"

"Have FUN… R-i-CCk-Ey!11!1!1!" Rufes waved, from the garage door.

"Rufes? Honey, is that you?" A struggling, old voice called from just inside the doorway.

"Yes….. Mother….. It's me…." Rufes sighed.

"Oh, well get yourself in here. Before you chech yourself a cold!"

"Mother…." Rufes, whined. "It's like 80 out here… DoN-NK-iEy1!1!1!1111!"

"Now. Don't you speak that way to your mother!" She warned.

"Yes… Mommy…" He said, rolling up the ramp and into the house, after her.

"Now. Let your mommy have a big, wet kiss…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!111!11!11!111!" He screamed.

About 2 hours later…

We finally catch up with a very distort, and tired looking Reno. Walking back down the street. His hair was messed up, his cloths were torn, he had scrapes and scars all over his body. But, he still held the remote in his chivering hands. The poor guy was a mess! He looked like he was brutally attacked by heard of stamping farm animals, and beaten with a fish.

"Reno? WHAT HAPPENED!" Rude asked, as he drove over to his wandering friend.

"I've been calling around town all day! WHERE WERE YOU?"

"I-I was cutt'n the lawn…" Reno budded, claiming into the Turks, family, SUV.

"Well, I'll say. I was watch'n the news earlier an saw a report of a crazed red-head, ridding a supped-up lawnmower down the freeway! They said that he was wanted for, reckless driving, and disturbing the peace. Because… He destroyed 3 cornfields, 18 front yards, and ran over a fire harderent! They were giving out a $100 reward, for any information of the guys intentions." Rude spat, turning the corner onto, what was left, of their street.

"Well…" Reno said, looking over the desertion. "At, least the front lawn is done."


End file.
